Recently a friend of mine confided in me that his partner had been cheating on him. “How could I be so stupid!” he exclaimed to me. “I should have seen the signs.” But honestly? The signs are hard to see and even harder to identify if you’re not looking for them. In his case, the three kids they shared and the extent of the intertwining of their lives gave him a false sense of security that all was ok. In that environment, it’s easy to overlook or dismiss the evidence that something isn’t right.
How to Determine if Your Partner Is Cheating Sexually
Discovering that a partner may be unfaithful is one of the most painful experiences in a relationship. While it is important not to jump to conclusions without evidence, certain behaviors and signs can indicate possible infidelity. Below are key indicators that may help you determine if your partner is cheating sexually. These are not indicators that will be easy to see. You may have to dig a little to find them. But even if you don’t have any suspicions, it might be wise to periodically do an audit.
1. Changes in Communication
A sudden shift in communication patterns can be a red flag. If your partner becomes more secretive, avoids deep conversations, or gets defensive when asked about their whereabouts, it might indicate that they are hiding something. Unusual irritability or hostility when discussing fidelity is another potential warning sign.
2. Unexplained Absences and Schedule Changes
A partner who is cheating may have frequent, unexplained absences. If they start working late unexpectedly, take sudden business trips, or claim to be out with friends more often than usual, it could be a cause for concern—especially if these activities were not common before. Perhaps the biggest sign is an unwillingness to do certain tasks or activities that will tie them up through long periods of time, say picking up children or working around the house.
3. Increased Secrecy with Technology
Technology often plays a major role in modern infidelity. If your partner suddenly places passwords on their phone, deletes messages regularly, or becomes overly protective of their devices, they may be trying to hide conversations or evidence of an affair. A sudden change in social media behavior, such as following new people or being overly active on certain platforms, could also be a clue.
4. Changes in Intimacy
A significant change in sexual activity can indicate infidelity. If your partner shows less interest in being intimate with you or, conversely, introduces new moves or behaviors in bed that seem out of character, it could be a sign they are engaging with someone else. A drastic increase or decrease in physical affection can also be an indicator.
5. Unexplained Expenses
Financial discrepancies can often uncover hidden affairs. If you notice unusual charges on credit card statements, unexplained withdrawals, or purchases of gifts that you never received, it may be worth investigating. Hotel bills, expensive dinners, or even rideshare receipts to unfamiliar locations could all be red flags.
6. Behavioral Changes
A cheating partner may exhibit changes in their overall demeanor. They might appear unusually happy and distracted or, on the flip side, distant and emotionally detached. They may also become more self-conscious about their appearance, suddenly dressing better, wearing new cologne or perfume, or hitting the gym more frequently. A big red flag is if the time they spend “alone” dramatically increases. One strategy is to periodically interrupt this “alone” time without warning simply to verify what is going on.
7. Friends Acting Differently
Sometimes, mutual friends or acquaintances may know about the infidelity before you do. If friends begin acting awkwardly around you, avoiding conversations about your partner, or giving subtle hints, they may be aware of something you are not.
What to Do Next
If you suspect your partner is cheating, avoid making accusations without concrete evidence. Instead, gather facts, observe patterns, and consider having an open and honest conversation. If you are struggling emotionally, seeking support from a trusted friend, therapist, or counselor can help you navigate the situation. New truth verification technologies like EyeCanKnow might also help.
Ultimately, trust and honesty are the foundation of any healthy relationship, and if they are broken, it’s important to evaluate whether the relationship is worth continuing.